BREAK!!!!

Q Throw it off the highest building, and I'll not break. But put me in the ocean, and I will. What am I? A A tissue.

S.....!

Q  I run over fields and woods all day. Under the bed at night I sit not alone. My tongue hangs out, up and to the rear, awaiting to be filled in the morning. What am I? A  A Shoe

Want need know!!

Q The man who invented it doesn't want it. The man who bought it doesn't need it. The man who needs it doesn't know it. What is it? A A coffin

GIVE ME

Q  Give me food ,I will live;give me water i will die. What I am ??


A fire 

HOLES ALL AROUND !!!

Q I have holes in my top and bottom ,my left and right,and in the middle.But Ican hold water .what I am




A  A Sponge

Maths

Aaj se 300 saal pehle MATHS bahut masoom aur pyara tha.

Ek din kuch badmash students ne MATHS ko bahut maara... itna maara, itna maara ki bechare MATHS ki jaan chali gayi. Lekin jaate jaate MATHS sab students ko ek baddua de gaya... Main to ja raha hoon lekin..."MATHS"

M = Meri
A = Aatma
T = Tumhe
H = Hamesha
S = Satayegi

Aaj bhi maths ki aatma bhatak rahi hai aur saare students ko sata rahi hai aur hamesha satati rahegi.

The big book

Ek baar ek ladka ghar mein sharaab pee kar aaya aur apne Dad se bachne ke liye ek badi si book lekar padhne laga!

Dad: Oye nalaayak, aaj phir sharab pee kar aaya hai kya...?

Son: Nahin Dad, bilkul nahin, kyun?

Dad: Kamine, toh phir pichle 10 minute se breifcase khol ke kya bak-bak kar raha hai...

Bad luck !!!!

A man who owned a local grocery store was out delivering orders in his station wagon when he hit and injured a little, old lady. The lady sued and was awarded an amount large enough to drive the man out of business.

After difficult times he managed to accumulate enough to try again. But a few months after opening his doors he struck an old gentleman with his delivery truck. The gentleman sued and collected big damages, enough to ruin the merchant yet again.

On a peaceful Sunday, the grocer was sitting in his living room when his little boy entered and called out, "Father, Father, Mother's been run over by a great big bus."

The grocer's eyes filled with tears, and in a voice trembling with emotion he cried, "Thank the Lord, my luck's changed at last."

Whats in a name

Ek baar ek ladka barsaat ki raat mein ek aunty ko, jo bus stop pe khadi thi, ghar chorne chala gaya.

Ghar pahunh kar aunty ne ladke ka shukriya kiya aur boli: Beta raat bohut ho gai hai, tum yahin BITTU ke kamre me so jao!
Ladka bola: Nahin aunty mein yahin SOFA par so jaunga.

Agle din Subah ek bohut hi sundar, hot ladki chai le kar aai.
Ladka: Aap kaun ho.......??
Ladki: Me BITTU hun. Aap kaun.....?? Ladka: Main saala ullu ka pattha....

Matlab

palak: guthi didi ...automatically matlab??
.
guthi : aare palak.. agar koi aadmi ganja
hota hai tou ussko kya bolte hain..
.
.palak : taklaa..
.
guthi : aur agar koi ladki ganji ho to ussko
kya bolenge...
.
.palak: takli..
.
guthi : aur wohi ladki agar auto mein
baith kar kahin ghoomne jaye tou ussko
kya bologi ??
.
palak : auto mein takli… aare haan
automatically !!
Tum kitne samajhdaar ho didiii....

Business !!!!

12 reasons why I chose Business as profession:

1. I hate sleeping.

2. I have enjoyed my life in childhood.

3. I can't Live without Tension.

4. I wanted 2 have a disturbed life.

5. I believe in Geeta "karm karo fal ki chinta mat karo".

6. I wanted 2 take revenge on myself.

7. I love dreaming about, delivery, payments, orders.

8. I like spending time with staff, customer, govt babu than family, friends.

9. I love giving bribe.

10. I love 2 work on holidays.

11. I can't live without mobile hooked on my ears even in the bathroom. and the best one

12. I love begging for payments.

AROUND THE WORLD !!!

Q Whats goes around the world but stays in corner ?

A  A stamps .

black red white !!!

Q Whats black and white and red all over ??



A A zebra painted red .

RUN N WALK !!!

Q I can run but not walk .Whenever I go thought follows close behind .What I am??


A A Nose

CATCH N THROUGH !!!

Q what can you catch but can't through ?


A A COLD

up n down !!

Q What goes up and down the stairs ?

A A Rug.

IN N OUTSIDE!!

Q  You through away the outside and cook inside . Then you eat the outside and throw away the inside. What did you eat?



A A chicken!

Wetter n Drier ???

Q  What get wetter and wetter the more it dries ?



A A Towel.

COWBOY !!!

 Q  A Cowboy arrives at the ranch on a Sunday ,stays 3 day ,and leaves on Friday .How ?



A As the horse name is Friday.

Favorite Reptile !!!

Q What is the baby's favorite reptile?



A A Rattlesnake .

Juice !!!

Q   Why did johnny jump up and down before he drank his juice ?

A   The carton said "shoke well before drinking

MILK!!!

Q Why did skeleton drink 8 glass of milk


A  Milk is good for bones

Invisible Man!!!

Q Why does the invisible man turn down a job?

A He just couldn't see himself doing it .

Cleaner !!!

Q Who keeps the ocean clean?


A The mermaid

Air !!!

Q   What is the richest kind of air ?


A   A Millionaire.

Way to do

A Sardar was caught by police for killing 20 people in rash driving...
Police: How did u kill 20 people..?
Sardar: Me gaadi tez chala raha tha par jab mene brake lagaya, to pata chala ke brake fail ho gaya hai..
fir me saamne dekha to 2 aadmi ja rahe the & dusri taraf 1 barat ja rahi thi..Ab tum batao me gaadi kidhr modta..?
Police: Ofcourse, jis taraf 2 admi the..nuksaan kam hota..
Sardar: Exactly...mene bhi yhi socha tha par wo 2 admi meri gaadi dekhkr barat me ghus gaye..

Ultimate Hit!!

Skeleton

Q How does the skeleton call his friends?
.
.
.
A On the tele-bone

Robber !!!

Q Why did the robber wash his clothes before he ran away with the loot?
.
.
.

A  He wanted to make a clean getway.

Wonderful jokes

Sum wonderful jokes....

1)Dog road pr ulta pada tha to log uski pooja krne lage,
Q?
Qki DOG ka ulta is GOD.

1 or

2)Mare hue insan k muh me kya daloge?
Birla Cement,
Qki
"IS CEMENT ME JAAN HAI"

1 or

3)Wat is the cube of 13
Ans.- Suroor,
coz
TERA*TERA*TERA = SUROOR

"Chalo 1 aur"

4)Wat wud u cal a girl who never laughs?
HASI-NAA.

"bas 1 or"

5)Why a heart broken person doesnt need general knowldge?

Qki jab dil hi toot gaya to "GK" kya karega.

"pakka last"

6)Agar 2 peepal k ped ko rassi se baandh diya jaye to rassi ko kya kahenge?
NOKIA- Connecting "PEEPAL"

Bhagwan aapko aise khatto ko jhelne ki shakti de. Gud evng.

Dhassu breakup

Dhassu Breakup..
.
One day frustrated sardar threw 6 cricket  balls on his gf..
.
GF: "What the hell was that?"
.
SARDAR: "It's Over"....

Confession

A boy on a date in a BMW CAR.

Boy, "Maine tumse ek baat chupai hai."

Girl, "Kya?"

Boy, "I m already married."

Girl, "Tumne toh dara diya tha, maim samjhi ki yeh red colour ki BMW tumhari nahin hai."

What a shame

"I'm ashamed of the way we live," a young wife said to her lazy husband who refused to find a job.

"My father pays our rent. My mother buys all of our food. My sister buys our clothes.

My aunt bought us a car. I'm just so ashamed." The husband rolled over on the couch.

"You should be ashamed," he agreed. "Those two worthless brothers of yours never give us a cent."

Pool rules

The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.

"Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool"

"Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board!?!?"

Diwali offer!!

Wife saw a board outside a shop. Diwali Offer Ending Today: Banarsi Saree Rs 10 Only. Nylon Rs 8 only. Cotton Saree Rs 5 only.

Excited Wife, to Husband,: Give me Rs 500, I'll buy 50 sarees. Husband: Beerbal ki maa, istri ki dukan hai woh.

Free ride!!!!

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Cohen's house, and grandpa gets out.

The polite policeman explained, "I came upon this elderly gentleman who said that he was lost in the park and couldn't find his way home. He did, however, know the address, and so here we are. Do you know this gentleman?"

"Of course, officer! It's my Morris!", said grandma Cohen. Turning to grandpa, she said, "Morris ! You've been going to that park for over 30 years! How could you possibly get lost?"

Leaning close, so that the policeman couldn't hear, grandpa whispered, "Shhhh I wasn't lost... I was just too tired to walk home."

Id caused

Once Dravid lost his ID, then everyone called him, everyone called him

'Drav'!?

Vodafone care

Santa Called @ vodafone care

A girl picked up the phone

Girl: vodafone care mein aapka swaagat hai

Me:thank u

Girl: mai aapki kya sahaayta kar sakti hu??

Me:kya aap shaadi karna chahti hai mujhse??

Girl: jee aapne galat number laga diya hai

Me:nai nai maine sahi number lagaya hai, aap shaadi karengi?

Girl: jee mai shaadi mein interested nai hu

Me:arre madam sun toh lijiye ek baar

Girl: not interested

Me:love marriage karengi toh honeymoon mein switzerland, arrange marriage karengi toh paris

Girl: jee mai aapse shaadi karna hee nai chahti toh aap offer kyu de rahe hai??

Me:court marriage ka expense 10,000rs
Normal wedding ka expense 2,00,000rs
Muslim style wedding mein sirf 200rs

Girl: aapko samajh nai aata ki mujhe shaadi nahi karni - fir bhi aap samajte nai aur bole jaa rahe hai !!!

Me:ab pata chala madam aapko humara dard, jabki hume nai interest hota phir bhi aap humaari naak mein ungli karne baar baar call karti rehti hai

Girl shocked, Santa rocked

Wife's fault

Santa: We ran into our neighbours yesterday. All my wife's fault.

Banta (confused): Wife's fault?

Santa: Actually, she was driving!?

Home division

Santa: A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house.

Banta: So sad. Which part did he get?

Santa: He got the outside!?

Chocolate's secret

Chocolate comes from Cocoa which comes from a tree... and that makes it a plant.

Thus, Chocolate is a salad!?

Sunset point

Sachin to his wife at a romantic sunset point,

"Aila! View!"

Anjali: I love you too, honey! ?

Pappu 's eye

Pappu: Look into my eyes, you see something?

Girlfriend: I see true love...

Pappu: O Juliet ki Maa, Kuchh Aankh Mein Chala Gaya Hai, Jaldi Nikaal!?

Learn dance

Want to learn how to dance... in no time? Go to wash room at 6:30 AM and take a cold shower.

You'll surely dance like Shakira! Happy Winters!?

Lucky fat people

Fat people are really lucky... they get to eat whatever they want and not worry about getting fat!?

The revenge

Santa was sitting in a park.

Banta: What are you doing here?

Santa: I am taking a revenge.

Banta: From whom?

Santa: From Time. It wasted my life. Now I am wasting it!?

Who's d hero

Ram ne Sita se Vivaah kiya,
Ravan ne Sita ka Apaharan kiya,
Hanuman ne Sita ko Bachaya,
To ab ye Batao ki Vastav mein Hero Kaun
Hai?
. . . . . . . . . . .
Scroll down for the answer
. . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . .

Sanjay Dutt !!! :-)
SAWAL theek se padho ! Pls dont throw your mobile ��

Classroom

Santa Class Me Hans Raha Tha

1 Ladki Boli STaNd UP Kaun Ho Tum?? . .

Santa :- Tum Kaun Ho? . . .

Ladki :- Mai MONITOR Hun. . . .

Santa :Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha. Tere Din Gaye Pagali Ab Laptop Aur LCD Ka Zamana hai����

Sab ki pasand nirma

Sabki Pasand Nirma

Washing powder Nirma....

Washing powder Nirma....

Doodh si safedi Nirma se Aaye.....

Rangeen kapde bhi Khil khil jaaye...

Sabki pasand Nirma....

Washing powder Nirma...

Kuch bhi Post karo, log padhte zarur hain.... Woh bhi tune ke saath

Not again

After four years of separation, a man and his wife finally divorced amicably.

He wanted to date again, but he had no idea of how to start, so he decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper.

After reading through all the listings, he circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but he put off calling them.

Two days later, there was a message on his answering machine from his ex-wife:

"I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper. Don`t call the one in the second column. It`s me."

Company policy

Banta, an eager young man entered his prospective boss's office for an interview.

"One thing our company is very particular about is cleanliness. I hope you wiped your shoe on the door mat while coming in?" said the boss.

"Yes sir," Banta replied promptly.

The boss continued, "One more thing we're very particular about is honesty. There is no door mat outside!"

Bank robbery

Santa and Banta decided to rob a bank but during the process of the robbery they mess it up, but they do managing to escape with two sacks that they find on the floor.

They do manage to take one sack each.

After a while they meet again and one asks the other...

Santa: What did you find in your sack?

Banta: Ten lakh Rupees!

Santa: Wow... that's a lot of money!' What did you do with the cash?

Banta: I bought a house. How about your sack?

Santa: It was full of bills.

Banta: And what did you do with them?

Santa: Eh, well... little by little, I'm paying them off... - By SantaBanta.com

Soap affair

Ek REXONA naam ki ladki thi. Jiske Mammi Papa ka naam DAYNA or CINTHOL tha.

Ek MARGO naam ka ladka jo REXONA ko pyaar karta tha or REXONA bhi MARGO ko apna LIFEBOY banana chahti thi. Dono ka pyaar PEARS ki tarah bilkul saaf tha. Dono ki shaadi FAIR & LOVELY Garden mein hui. Shaadi mein, DETOL, MEDIMIX, LUX, FAA, NIRMA, VIVEL, DOVE Etc. Aate hain. Shaadi ke kuchh saal baad unke Judwa bachche hue jinka naam rakha gaya "JOHNSON & JOHNSON"

Hanso mat, ye ek tareeka tha aapko btaane ka ki bazaar mein Sabun ki poori family hai, kisi ek member ko pakdo or Nhaa lo.

Onion prices

Is mehengai ke jamane mein yeh joke nahi Sachaai lagti hai...

Jeeto: Aaj to 5 rupey ke 3 pyaj mil gaye!

Santa (Excited): Arre wah... kahan se aur kaise??

Jeeto: 5 rupey ka ek usne diya, ek mai utha ke bhag gayi, aur ek usne mujhe fek ke mara....

Cheating bugger

"Is that the obituary section of the Clarion?" asked the woman.

"Yes, madam, can I help you?"

"I'd like to put a notice in, reporting the death of my husband from gunshot wounds."

"God gracious, when did it happen?"

"Just as soon as I find the cheating bugger."

Crow kills

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely not Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck."

Women's love

When a Woman Loves!

When a woman loves you, you are a husband

When a few women love you, you are a man

When many women love you, you are a lover

When hundreds of women love you, you are an idol

When thousands of women love you, you are a leader

But, When all the women in the world love you, you are not human... You are a diamond, gold, a rupee, a dollar, a euro, or a yen..

Malik aur murga

'Agar tum sab ne 2-2 ande nahi diye to tum sub ko kaat dunga...' Agli subah sab ne 2-2 ande diye, magar 1 ne 1 anda diya... Malik: Tum ne 1 anda kyun diya. Usne kaha,"abe kaminey..... woh toh katne ke darr se de diya...... warna main toh Murga hun !! - By SantaBanta.com

Experiments on dog

Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog.

For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs.

For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk. The dog was still able to walk with only two legs.

For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk. However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg.

As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off.

Insane mind

Santa ke ghar sasural wale aaye
Toh biwi ne kaha
Baahar se kuch le aao
Santa taxi le aaya

Who started it

Santa aur uski wife Jeeto mein jhagda hua toh Jeeto ne apni maa ko phone kiya, "Maa mera un se jhagda ho gaya hai. Main 1 month ke liye aap ke paas aa rahi hun."

Jeeto's mother, "Jhagda kis ne start kiya??????"

Jeeto, "Unho ne."

Jeeto's mother: "Jhagda us kambakhat ne kiya hai saza bhi ushe hi milni chahiye. Tum wahi thehro main aa rahi hun 3 Month k liye."

Swarg ki entry

1st Aadmi : Bhagwan main doctor hoon aur maine logo ki bahot sewa ki hai mujhe swarg mein aane do.

Bhawan: Nahi tum andar nahi aa sakte.

2nd Aadmi: Bhagwan main Brahmin hoon aur maine sari zindagi aapki pooja ki hai mujhe swarg mein aane do.

Bhagwan : Nahi tum bhi andar nahi aa sakte.

3rd Aadmi: Prabhu main shaadi shuda hoon.

Bhagwaan: Bas kar pagle rulayega kya, chal andar swarg mein aaja.

Banta ka chicken

Santa banta ke ghar chicken Kane jata hai
.
.
Santa- Chicken to bahut badhiya bana hai par thoda ajib sa taste kyu hai?

Banta- banate hue murge ki tang jal gayi thi......
...
..
.
Toh maine SOFRAMYCIN laga di

The real lover

Once 3 boys proposed the same girl!

1st: Main tumhare liye apni jaan bhi de sakta hun.

Girl: Woh toh sab kehte hain.

2nd Guy: Main tumhare liye chaand tare tod kar la sakta hun.

Girl: Nothing special, bahut purana dialogue hai.

3rd Guy: Main tumhe apna Facebook ka pasword tak de sakta hun. Yahan tak ki apna facebook account delete bhi kar sakta hun.

Girl, Ankhon main ansu ke sath: Pagal itna chahta hai mujhe ? I Love You Too!!!

Doston, Facebook Badi Cheeaz Hai.

Unsecured connection

Ek ladki roz jab college se ghar ati to ek ladke ko apne ghar ke bahar khada dekhti.

Aisa roz hota tha, even pura 1 saal beet gaya. Aur wo ladka roz us ko apne ghar ke samne nazar aata.

Wo kuch nahi kehta tha bas chup chaap kabhi agey pechay aur kabhi apne mobile phone ko dekhta.

Ladki ko yaqeen hone laga ki ladka usko chahta hai.

Ek din ladki himmat kar ke us ke pass gayi aur pucha, "Tum roz aise mere ghar ke bahar kyun khade hote ho ??

Ladka ghabra gaya aur foran bola, "Maaf karna bahen actually tumhare Wifi pe password nahi laga hua wo use karne aata hun...."

Santa's railway interview

Santa ka Railway Interview:

Interviewer: Agar do gaadiyan ek line pe aa gayi toh kya karoge?

Santa: Jee, red light dikhaunga. Interviewer: Red light na hoto?

Santa: Torch dikhaunga...

Interviewer: Torch na ho toh?

Santa: Apni red shirt utaar kar dikhaunga.

Interviewer: Shirt bhi red na huyi toh?

Santa: Phir main apne bua ke ladke ko bulaunga...

Interviewer: Hain..!! Wo kyun?

Santa: Jee, usne kabhi traino accident nahin dekha...

Visiting charges

Santa: Doctor ke paas gaya aur bola ghar jaane ki kitne fees lete hain aap??

Doctor: 300 rupees.

Santa: Theek hai doctor ji, chaliye phir.

Doctor ne apna bag liya, bike nikali aur Santa ko le kar Santa ke ghar pahunch gaye.

Doctor bola: Mareez kahan hai ??

Santa: Yahan koi mareez nahi hai doctor ji, darasal baat yeh hai ki taxi wala 500 maang raha tha aur aapne 300 mein le aaye...

I m the best

I m the best. I can prove it. I can put Coffee in coffee cup. Can you put world in World Cup?

OK one more: I can send my address on your mobile. Can you send your mobile on my address? Nahin na... Ok Ok...

One last one I can eat Cream biscuits with Cream. Can you eat Tiger biscuits with Tiger? Kaha na, only I'm the best...

Animals fb status

If animals have Facebook..... these are most likely to be their Status Updates!

Cockroach: Managed to skip from some one's foot step.. Man, I lead a dangerous lifestyle!

Cat: My 7th child is asking who is her dad. What shall I tell her? I don't even remember...

Mosquito: I am HIV positive... this is all due to wrong sucking.

Pig: Oh gosh they throw the gossips that I am spreading flu...WTF!!!

Chicken: If tomorrow there's no status update from my side, means I'm being served at KFC.

Murgi ki taang

Tchr : Murgiyo ki taange chhoti kyu hoti hai ?
Sardar ka Asardaar reply : Sir, agar murgiyo ki taange Lambi hoti to Ande itne upar se gir kar toot jate na.

Classic insult

Classic insult
.
Girl:"meri 1-1 saans pe 1-1 ladka
marta hai.
.
. .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Boy:"to tum koi accha sa toothpaste
istimaal kyo nahi karti..??

Types of ladies

Technically there are 7 TYPES OF LADIES:

1. HARD DISK lady: Remembers everything forever.
2. RAM lady: Forgets about you the moment you turn off.
3. SCREENSAVER lady: Just for looking.
4. INTERNET lady: Difficult to access.
5. SERVER lady: Always busy when needed
6. MULTIMEDIA lady: Looks beautiful but you can only look.
7. VIRUS lady: This type of lady is normally called 'WIFE', once enters your system, never leaves even if the system is formatted.

Inside n Outside

Think you are sitting in front of computer, what computer will think...??
Do you know...??
Intel inside, mental outside...!!!

 Wait don't laugh, joke is not over...
You are standing in front of fridge...What fridge will think...
Do you know...??
Cool inside, fool outside!!!

 Wait one more for you...

 Think you are standing outside race course...
What race course will think...
 Do you know...??
 Ghoda (horse) inside, Gadha (donkey) outside...!!! 

What's baba ji ka thullu

Girlfriend: Babaji Ka Thullu is trending. What does it means?
 Boyfriend: It's 'Nothing'
 Girlfriend: Why? Tell me na... please... 
Boyfriend: Arre uska matlab 'kuchh nahi' hota hai. 
Girlfriend: Bata na bhav kyu kha raha hai?
 Boyfriend: Bola to 'kuchh bhi nahi' hota hai.
 Girlfriend: Kaminey, akhiri baar poochh rahi hoon, ek word me chup chap answer de...
 Boyfriend: Ghanta....
 Girl gives him 4-5 tight slaps.
 Boyfriend: Mujhe maar ke tujhe kya mila?
 Girlfriend: Kuchh nahi.
 Boyfriend: Yahi hota hai 'Babaji Ka Thullu'
 Girlfriend: Sweetu, pahle nahi bata sakte the?

An ordinary citizen

A priest who was walking through a small town saw a blackboard outside the front door of a school. It had been washed and put out to dry in the open air. There was a piece of chalk at the foot of the blackboard.

 The priest took the chalk and wrote in large letters, "I'm a priest and I pray for you all."

 A lawyer happened to pass next and when he saw what the priest had written, he added under it, "I'm a lawyer and I defend you all."

 Then, a doctor came by, took the piece of chalk, and wrote on the blackboard, "I'm a doctor and I cure you all."

 Finally, an ordinary citizen stopped, looked at what the others had written, thought for a few seconds and then added, "I am an ordinary citizen and I pay for you all." 

Girlfriend's grievance

`Brian, what's wrong with you? You've been sitting at your desk looking depressed for the last five minutes!` `Oh Dan,` responded Brian `I don't know what to do! I got in a big fight last night with my Suzie, she claims I never buy her gifts, so I must not care about her!`

 `Brian, that's horrible!` said Dan putting his arm around Brian. `What type of a gift does she want already?`

 `Well, right before she closed the door on my face she said to me: `Why don't you show me how much you care about me? Why can't you get me something that goes from 0 to 175 in seconds!`

 `Dan what should I do? I don't have that kind of money? I can't go out and buy her a car!`

 `A car? Asked Dan. `Who needs a car? Just stop by Target and buy her a scale!` ... 

My computer

Help-desk guy speaking to a lady user ...

Help-desk : Double click on "My Computer".
Lady : I can't see your computer..
Help-desk : No .. Click on "My Computer" on your computer.
Lady : How the hell can I click on your computer from my computer ??? !!
Help-desk : There is an icon labelled "My Computer" on your computer .. double click on it.
Lady : What the hell is your computer doing on my computer ?