Eat whatever you want , and like anyone tries to lecture about your weight , you eat them too

BUT STIL I'M SINGLE

8 PLANETS
204 COUNTRIES
809 ISLANDS
7 SEAS
6000000000+ PEOPLE

BUT STIL I'M SINGLE

If tomatoes are fruit.

If tomatoes are fruit... isnt ketchup technically a smoothie ? :/

The best kinds of laughter:

The best kinds of laughter: 1. Laughing so hard that your laugh becomes silent. 2. Laughing so hard that you feel a six pack coming on. 3. Laughing so hard that tears start coming out.

There are 3 meanings behind "Liking someones status."

There are 3 meanings behind "Liking someones status." 1) I agree. 2) I realize this is about me so Im liking it to rub in your face 3) I want to bang you :)

Joke into a lesson

dearr fb

Dear Facebook, Dont show off! You cant even signup without me! ...Yours Sincerely, MSN, Gmail & Yahoo.

Whenever I see a hot girl

Whenever I see a hot girl with a fat boyfriend, I order another pizza.

SpongeBob

When you use your imagination, you can do anything - SpongeBob

fastest means of communication

The 3 fastest means of communication: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman

Apple and blackberry

Apple and blackberry should combine together to make a new mobile named pie

Laziness

Height of laziness:
2 frnz studying at night
1st: Wats the time?
2nd threw an empty beer bottle out of the  window

Neighbor: Kamino ab toh so jao, raat ke 3 baj gaye.. ;) =)) =D :D \=D/

Mumbai Indians

Judge: Do you want to stay with your mom?
Child: No. She beats me.
Judge: Then do you want to stay with your dad?
Child: No. He beats me too.
Judge: Do you want to stay with your grandparents?
Child: No, they also beat me.
Judge: Ok. So do you want to stay with your uncle?
Child: No. They beat me too
Judge: Ok. So tell me who you want to stay with? 
Child: I want to stay with Mumbai Indians.

They dont beat anybody 

Lolzz pjzz

It is impossible to lose weight just by eating salads. Ever looked at buffaloes? They eat only ------grass.

----------------------------------------Great Confusion:
Jawahrlal Nehru said
"LAZINESS IS YOUR BIGGEST ENEMY"
Mahatma Gandhi said
"ALWAYS LOVE YOUR ENEMY"
Ab batao bapu ki sune ya chachu ki?..                         --------------------------------------------
A Rabbit ����Runs,Jumps
& Lives Only For 15 yrs.

While a Turtle  ��Doesn't Run
Does Nothing.
Yet lives for 300 yrs.

Moral:

Exercise Is Hell, Just Sleep
Well..

Baba Aaramdev

Dr are cool

A Doctor opened a clinic & wrote outside the clinic:

Any treatment will cost Rs.300/- and if we cant treat, we will pay you back Rs.1000/-.

A CLEVER Man comes to do fraud & thinking to get Rs.1000.

He says to the Doctor:

I cant feel any taste on my tongue...

Doctor asks the Nurse to put few drops of medicine from box no 22.

After that the MAN shouts: "What d _____ ...its URINE!!

The doctor says congratulations your sense of taste is back now.

The MAN was angry as he lost Rs.300.

After 2 weeks MAN comes back again & this time he thinks to get back his previous 300 too.

MAN: Doc! I've lost my memory.

Doctor: Nurse! pls put some drops of medicine from Box no 22 on his tongue.

MAN : Wait doctor but that medicine is for sense of taste.

Doctor: Congratulations your memory is back.

Moral: Don't try to be over-smart with Doctors...

Japan vs gujrat

Cudnt resist pass this one on.....

In Japan in a soap manufacturing company,  they were making bathing soaps. The soap blocks were made, then wrapped in a wrapping paper automatically on an assembly conveyer belt and finally packed in cartons. 
Many times it happened that the wrapping machine wrapped the paper without soap. i.e. you had an empty packet without soap.

To rectify this problem the Japanese company bought a x-ray scanner from the US for $60,000/- to check on the  assembly line whether the container contained soap and wasn't empty. 

A similar problem happened at Nirma soaps, in Gujarat..

Guess what the Gujjus did? 

They bought a bajaj fan costing around rs 1500 and placed it on the edge of the assembly line. --the empty wrappers without soaps just blew away!!!

And u say japanese are advanced in technology... 

STRESSED

When you"re stressed you eat chocolate,ice cream, and sweets. You know why? Stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

BRAIN

brain is d most out standing object in nature, it works 24 hrs & 365 days, since our birth, it stops wrking only when we enter d exam hall. f*ck off

STUPID

Son: Dad, if you saw a $10 note and a $5 note on the floor, which will you take? Dad: The $10 of course! Son: Dad, you`re so STUPID! Why not take both? Dad: ..... Like if you get it :D

McD

Dear McDonald`s Cashier,
Don`t look at me like that. Last time i checked, there was no age limit on Happy Meals.
Sincerely, Don`t forget the toy.